


Life is a Ballgame

by Yadirocks



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 06:36:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6318556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yadirocks/pseuds/Yadirocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When life gives you lemons, chuck them as hard as you can and hope the umpire calls a strike.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life is a Ballgame

The smell of leather mixed with dirt and sweat met his nose, the smell seeming to follow him like his shadow everywhere he went. He dully wondered if he would ever be able to get rid of the stench, but then wondered again if it was really all that bad. In a way, Yadier loved the smell. It reminded him of simpler times, of days when the sun would beat down on him and all the worry of the world was out of his reach. It had been such a short time ago, but it felt so far away. 

In fact, Yadier felt far away for most of the offseason. It was like he was walking through a dream every hour of every day. None of it seemed real. At least, that's what Yadier tried to tell himself. None of it really happened; it was just a nightmare, a cruel dream that he would eventually wake up from and then he wouldn't feel so alone. His brothers hadn't helped him like he thought they would afterwards. Bengie became distant, but at least he still called sometimes to check to see how his nephew was doing. Yadier could tell how much time had passed just by looking at his son, watching him grow. Yanuell was six months old now. That seemed impossible. 

The smell not only brought back the memory of days sitting in the shade of the dugout or throwing the baseball as hard as he could at Jose, trying to make his glove pop to show that he could throw harder than his older brother, no matter what he said, it also reminded him of...

Yadier shook his head, trying to physically remove the thought from his mind. He couldn't think about that right now. He had to be strong, especially once he walked through the doors of Roger Dean Stadium. Be a man, Molina, he told himself, and with a shaky breath, he pushed open the double doors that lead to the locker room. 

The buzz of the locker room stopped as soon as he opened the doors, but it was quickly replaced by guys calling his name. Yadier was grateful for the distraction. His friends hugged him and gave him big smiles. Maybe they hadn't heard anything about it. Maybe he could do this.

He went to his locker, giving Shane Robinson a small smile when Shane sat down on the bench. He returned his gaze to the locker before him. Taped to the right side, there was a picture of himself and his father, and above it was another picture of he and his brothers. Yadier peeled back the tape to unveil another picture, hidden behind the other two. This one was a picture of his father holding him when he was a baby, his bright smile radiant and full of life. Yadier reached out and touched the picture, but closed his eyes and quickly returned it to its hiding place. It was too soon.

A hand grabbed his shoulder from behind, causing Yadier to jump and wheel around. He relaxed when he came face-to-face with Adam Wainwright's stupid, goofy grin. "You scared me," Yadier said, smiling back. This time the smile was more forced than before, and he hoped that Adam wouldn't see right through it. At first, Yadier could've sworn he saw a hint of concern in Adam's eyes, but it was gone so quickly that Yadier believed he had imagined it. "You should really watch your back, Molina. I'm sneaky for a giant," Adam teased.

Yadier rolled his eyes half-heartedly. "Well, there is one thing short about you," he said, eyes going to Adam's pants mockingly. Adam laughed and punched him playfully on the shoulder. "Oh, so you look at my junk, huh?"

"How can I look if there's practically nothing there?" Yadier asked. Adam raised an eyebrow. "Don't make me do it."

He raised his hands, his fingers curling like a claw and he released a roar, like a lion. "You wouldn't dare-" Yadier began, but he was cut off by laughter as Adam found his ticklish spot, right below his ribs. It was a hard-fought battle, but as always, Yadier ended up on the ground trying to wiggle away and failing miserably. 

"Truce!" he managed to say between laughs. Adam stopped tickling him, grinning from ear to ear. "I knew you had a smile left in you," he said, sounding triumphant. 

Adam reached out a hand to help Yadier up. Once the catcher was on his feet, Adam pulled him into an embrace. Yadier wasn't expecting it, nor was he expecting to get choked up during it. What he wanted to do more than anything was tell Adam everything, from the nightmares to the fact that José still refused to talk to him. Then he thought of how everyone was watching him, and he pulled himself together before he could fall apart.

Adam pulled away, giving a lopsided smile. "Come on, come help me warm up. I'm bound to be rusty, and I need someone who doesn't mind me throwing at their crotch," he said, tugging Yadier out of the locker room before he could protest.

After a hard practice, Yadier was taking off his uniform shirt when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He ran his hand over his ribcage, which he could see through the skin. He hadn't been able to do that since he was little. He hadn't expected to lose so much weight. Then again, he had forgotten (or maybe neglected) the need to eat. He let out a sad sigh and hurriedly covered himself back up with his T-shirt.

Little did he know, eyes had been watching from around the corner the entire time, taking in how skinny he was and how unfed he appeared. A tear rolled down Adam's cheek at the sight of his friend like that, but he turned away and walked out before Yadier could hear him.

The next day was am exhibition game. The Cardinals split into two teams. Yadier ended up on Team 2, the home team, so he took the field first. He sighed, pulling down his mask, ignoring the growl in his stomach. Instead, he focused all his attention on Chris Carpenter, his pitcher. 

Adam stepped up to the plate, the game tied 4-4. It was a really messed up game, errors everywhere because guys typically didn't take team games seriously, but Tony was looking pretty ticked after Furcal dropped a routine pop fly and laughed about it. "One more error and you're running poles for four hours tomorrow!" he warned, which made everyone a little more serious. LaRussa never lied about stuff like that. They'd learned that the hard way.

Adam picked up his bat, sticking out his butt and making everyone laugh. Yadier rolled his eyes, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips. Adam was just being weird, as usual.

"Like my new stance?" he asked as he took strike one right down the middle. Yadier smirked. "It's lovely, but I think that it would work a bit more if you twerked right before Chris threw."

Adam tipped his helmet at Yadier. "Great advice, my friend," he said with a glint of amusement in his eye. The next time Chris looked in at Yadier for the sign, Adam twerked as he waited, making some of the guys fall down with laughter. "What?" he asked. "Quit staring at my butt, you heathens!"

Chris threw the ball as he tried to keep a straight face. He didn't get much break on it, and it ended up being a lobbed fastball right over the plate. Adam hammered it, sending it back. It hit the wall and bounced far out. Adam ran as fast as he could, chugging around the bases. The ball hit the cutoff just as he was rounding third.

Yadier saw Adam coming as he set up for the throw. He caught the ball and turned to make the tag when suddenly, he looked up into the stands. Sitting right behind home plate...no...it couldn't be...

Adam slammed into him, expecting a play at the plate. Yadier didn't expect anything, and was flung back. His helmet went flying, and he landed a few feet away from the plate. He groaned, clutching his glove arm, which still held the ball.

The moment Adam hit Yadier, he knew he hit him harder than he meant to. He had expected Yadier to try to move out of the way, but he hadn't. Before Adam could stop his momentum, he had trucked Yadier. He crawled over to his friend, who was staring up, dazed. "What the heck happened?" Tony yelled, making his way over to the two.

"It was an accident! I'm so sorry, Yadi," Adam said, hoping his friend would forgive him. Tony glared at him as he knelt next to his catcher. "Why did you hit him so hard? This is was supposed to be an easy game, Adam!"

"I thought he was going to move out of the way and stop some of my momentum," Adam said, trying to defend himself. "He didn't, though. He just...sat there."

Tony turned back to Yadier, who was sitting up with the help of Albert Pujols. "Yadi, what were you doing before the play happened?" Tony asked gently.

The catcher didn't want to say it. If he did, he knew he wouldn't be able to hold his resolve anymore. So instead, he just continued to stare down at his lap, pretending to be too stunned to talk. He couldn't meet Adam's gaze. He knew Adam didn't mean to hit him like that, and he didn't think he needed to apologize. He was embarrassed.

Adam received walking Yadier to get a concussion test as a punishment. Adam didn't mind this at all. He grabbed Yadier's elbow, walking him across the field. Once they were down in the dugout, Adam whispered, "You saw something."

Yadier closed his eyes, confirming his suspicions. He stopped, making sure Tony wasn't looking, before pulling Yadier into a janitors closet. He turned on the light and locked the door. Yadier frowned. "What do you want me to say, Adam?" he snapped.

There was a pause. Yadier turned away from Adam, his back to him. Adam whispered, "You saw him."

Yadier reluctantly nodded. "He was right there. He was right behind home plate. And then...when I got up...he was gone."

Adam stepped towards Yadier, putting a hand on his shoulder and giving it a squeeze. "Don't be mad at me," he said. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you. I know you're hurting, even though you're too stubborn and prideful to admit to it. You don't want to cry because you're afraid that once you start, you won't stop. You don't want to open up because you don't want to fall apart."

Yadier didn't say anything. He just crossed his arms. Adam turned him around, pulling him into a stiff embrace. "You don't have to be afraid of that when you're with me," he told him. "I want you to call me when you need to talk, and let me know if you're feeling alone. You're my best friend, Yadi."

Yadier was a mix of emotions. Sadness, anger, confusion, frustration, all mixed together. He just wanted to scream, to get it all out. Adam was offering to let him do that, right here, right now. Adam wouldn't think any lesser of him for it. Adam wouldn't tell him he had to be strong and move on.

The thought of just letting it all out was intriguing and sounded too good to be true. And that's just what made Yadier pull away. "It's never going to go away," he murmured. 

Adam gazed at him sadly. "But you don't have to let it consume you, Yadier. I nearly hurt you out there. You could've ended up in the hospital. Please, Yadier...at least take better care of yourself," he said. He wished he could take it back the moment the words left his mouth.

Yadier's head snapped up, and his eyes narrowed. "Take care of myself?" he asked. Suddenly, his eyes widened. "You've been watching me this whole time, haven't you? Just waiting for me to break down?"

"No, Yadi, it isn't like that."

"Then what is it like, Adam?"

Silence. Yadier glared at Adam, his anger now aimed at something other than his grief. Adam was suddenly afraid. He put his hands up. "Yadier, please," he whispered, averting his eyes. "I just wanted to help."

Again, silence. When Adam opened his eyes, Yadier was already gone, the door to the janitors closet wide open.

********

Adam watched Yadier get worse and worse every day. He bit back comments about how skinny and how tired his friend looked. If anyone mentioned his condition, Yadier would snap at them, scaring them away. Adam was afraid for Yadier. 

One night, as Spring Training neared a close, Adam grabbed Yadier's wrist as he reached for his car keys. "Come over tonight," Adam whispered in his ear before Yadier could turn a glare on him. When Yadier shook his head, Adam said, "Please, Yadi. I promise, I won't try anything. I won't push you. I just want my friend back."

Finally, finally, Yadier relaxed and nodded. Adam couldn't help but smile. "Be there at six," he said, glancing back at Yadier as he left. He was still staring into his locker, head bowed as if in prayer.

Adam made all sorts of food that night. Fajitas, nachos, hot dogs, hamburgers, and to top it all off, Yadier's favorite dessert, strawberry cheesecake. This wasn't technically trying anything, since Adam liked all the stuff Yadier liked, too. 

When Yadier arrived, Adam noticed how worn out he looked, even more so than usual. Adam still greeted him with a hug and a smile. "You hungry?" he asked, opening the door to the kitchen. "Because I am. Ta-da!"

He spread out his arms to the wide variety of dishes displayed on the kitchen island. Yadier stared at the food, and managed a smile. "Looks good," he said. Adam could tell he was lying, but didn't say anything. He pushed Yadier to the table and began filling his own plate. Yadier stood there awkwardly, shuffling his feet. 

"Well, are you gonna eat or what?" Adam asked. Yadier nodded, finally deciding it was rude not to at least take a little something, and they sat down at the kitchen table together. They made small talk as they ate, but mostly it was silent. Adam hated the silence. Normally Yadier wouldn't shutup. Now, he looked so sad and so emotionless.

Adam put his hand over Yadier's. "I'm worried about you," he whispered. Yadier looked down at the floor. "Adam," he said, his voice rising in warning. Adam sighed. "I know I said I wouldn't say anything. I'm sorry. I just hate seeing you like this."

"Like what?" Yadier said, suddenly looking up, wearing the same look of anger he had that day in the janitors closet. "Sad? Depressed? Do you honestly blame me, Adam? I can't talk to my brothers, I can't talk to my teammates, I can't talk to my wife because then the whole neighborhood would know by emotional state. The one person I could confide everything in, the one person who ever loved me, is beyond my reach, and I'll never see him again because he's gone to Heaven and I'm doomed to go to Hell!"

He slammed his fist into the wall, nearly busting a hole in it. Adam saw his knuckles begin to bleed, and saw the tears begin to fall. "He's gone," Yadier whispered. 

Adam watched his friend, worried. "You're wrong," he said. Yadier opened his eyes, meeting Adam's. "About what?" he said with a sniff.

Adam stepped forward, lifting Yadier's chin up. "You have a brother right here that loves you and wants you to be okay again."

He wrapped his arms around Yadier's trembling frame. "We're family," he whispered in Yadier's ear. "Never, ever forget that."

Yadier nodded. "I'm sorry," he whispered. Adam shook his head. "Don't be."

Yadier felt so overwhelmed. He wanted to get it out. He wanted to scream and cry. He didn't even realize he was crying until he felt Adam hug him tighter, holding onto him. Yadier let out a sob, and more followed soon after. Adam wouldn't let him fall. Adam wasn't going to let him hurt himself. 

"I miss him," he said between sobs. Adam nodded, not saying a word. When Yadier had finished crying, Adam pulled away, studying Yadier's hand. Yadier realized it was bleeding, and that it hurt. Bad. Adam gave him a gentle smile. "We should probably clean that," he said, leading Yadier to the bathroom. After wrapping Yadier's hand in gauze and finally getting him to eat a little bit of food, Yadier fell asleep on the couch. Adam covered him in a blanket, and whispered in his ear, "I'll always be right here. That's a promise."


End file.
